I'm sad, numb.. I'm not sure I count as a human anymore. I don't know what to do. Is this real? I just purged and we're gonna drive to central finland later today to visit my both grandmothers.
Shit I'm now scared to call my friend because I'm afraid she doesn't want to talk to me I can feel my heart jumping in my chest.. I might see her before we leave.
We just keep fighting with I'm gonna call him X, you know who I mean. I feel like he enjoys pissing me off.. Then he tries to make it up to me and when I'm about to firgive him, he does something again.. I'm so tired of this. Today was okay at school because I felt like some ppl actually like me there. I was surrounded by nice ppl :) Then he walked by and it wasn't so great anymore. I can't even look at him.. After purging I ate one nectarine and I'm not gonna eat anything more before dinner at my grandmothers'. I'm slipping into a come right now
Have a good weekend all of you beautiful people<3
S
im here
ReplyDeleteim listening
im reading
love you
xx
Love you too<3
DeleteI guess you speak finnish too, but I'm not sure, so I'm going to write this in English. At least I try.
ReplyDeleteIf i understood what you meant: ''I'm not sure I count as a human anymore.'' Please darling, just believe you really are a human. A human who is as important as anyone else. I hate how I see you struggling with your life. I don't know you, but I still feel bad for you.
Try, please just even TRY to see the beauty in you, just for a little while, and don't hate yourself all the time. I wish you can try to find even some little, tiny happy things in your life that make it easier to be even a little less depressed. I know all this can be_so damn difficult_, but I just want you to try. And if you have already tried, just try a bit harder. I don't want to make you feel bad, it's just a little hard to try to express myself in english.
I wish all the best for you.
Joo kyllä puhun suomea, mutta tuntuu vaan helpommalta kirjottaa näist asioista englanniksi :/ Kiitos tosi paljon että kommentoit on niin vaikea uskoa että ihmiset jaksavat välittää noinkin paljon vaikkeivät tunne mua ollenkaan :) Yritän välillä ihan tosissaan ja jotkut ihmiset tuo vielä mun elämän sellasia hetkellisiä valonpilkahduksia, mutta jotkua taas heittää niin paljon paskaa niskaan ettei välillä vaan jaksa enää mitään.. Kävin vilkasemassa sun blogia nopeasti ja pahalta se tuntuu kun tietää että toisella ei ole kaikki hyvin :( voimia sinnekin<3
DeleteHang in there
ReplyDeleteYou are loved <3
right back at you<3 and thank you so much for being there :)
Delete