I need to get away from this place.. Don't know how many times I can do this anymore without breaking down. To lock up in my room and cry myself to sleep while my parents are drinking and acting like complete idiots. Especially my dad. It's so easy and okay for me to be mad at him, but when my mom does that too there's no one left in this house to talk to. I still haven't got used to mom doing that.. Wathing tv and seeing those people telling their kids that it takes suffering to be beautiful, makes me sick. They have no idea that those kinds could end up being like me! Oh fuck my life.. I'm still so goddamn fat and I have to go to school looking like this. Next year we have this prom kinda thing at our school and me and my friend, who also has an ed, have agreed to push each other to losing weight before that. I need to be under 50Kgs. I have 5Kgs to lose from now but I can't take any chances. And that's so little to lose if I fail this thing, I'm gonna jump off a roof.
S
i no this is an old post but i hope u find the comment
ReplyDeletei think u need ur big sister in the house :)
can we have a food fight whilst music is blurting out?! XD
loosing 5kgs wont make u happy i no it wont truly
ull think its not enough and it wont be u no why? because ur ill u have an illness which skews ur visison of who u really are
ur beautiful and tiny ur perfect how u are and i no in time as u grow older ull realise how to love and accept yourself
no ones perfect babe ok?
ur unhappy coz of ur lifestyle at home theres something that isnt right and to cope with it u hav an ed
u sound like me a couple years ago kid
have u ever seen a therapist aout ur ed?
im here always here always reading always holding your hand
love you
xx
Englishrose- I really do need my big sister<3 That food fight thing sounds great haha :D
ReplyDeleteI kinda know it won't make me happy but by doing this I feel like I'm allowed to still be alive. I mean if I do this and don't just fail another thing in my life..
I've never talked to a therapist about this becaouse even tho my parents are sometimes so shitty I don't want them to know and worry.
That'd just make my life a hell of a lot harder..
Everything would be so much better if I just got out this house and away from these ppl.
If I make it through till I finish school I have the chance to move abroad and I'd love to come to England =)
I'm always here for you too and I just want you to know how you've made my life much more tolerable :)
love u xx