Of course, we had to drag it along for a couple more days with that guy I mentioned earlier. We mostly just argued more. I truly did feel like we had something worth fighting for and I'm not going to go through anything that would prove that because right now I just feel stupid. I have nothing to say for myself I don't know how the whole thing happened, he was just the perfect person for me, saying all the right things. I'm sure most of you know what I mean. He wanted to come see me last fall and I was hesistant because it was just way too soon for me, I still didn't even care that much about him. Now that everything was falling apart he was saying he's a moron, he should've come and he fucked everything up by not doing anything. I don't know but I know this wasn't his fault, more like 70/30 my fault. I know I'm hard to handle, I'm a fucking mess and totally evil at times. I'm so good at verbally hitting where it hurts the most and I so easily get the feeling of being pushed into a corner.. The worst thing right now was that he didn't say anything to me yesterday even though I know he must've been awake before I went to sleep. I was just waiting for him to say something but when he didn't.. My last words to him before going to bed were "Silence screams the loudest I guess and I think this time it broke me. You broke me."
I hope he doesn't reply, I don't want any explanations or apologies. I know he feels bad but right now it's unfixable. We're done. Why would I ever do that to myself and trust someone with my emotions when I definitely knew better.
Reminds me, I just finished driving school which takes forever here in Finland. I mean I've had my license for 1,5 years already but I've still had to complete all sorts of additional stages and shit. I'm getting my final license now though so yay
And also, these pictures that I'm using almost always come from weheartit , you can find me on there too :)
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I've often thought that there's something wrong with us for putting our emotions on people anyway. They've got their own and the scale is often tipped when we give them the power to regulate and save them for us. It's a losing battle . Doesn't mean that I haven't done it...Things fall into place. I promise use the kind words love, not the sharp ones. It's only because of how you feel inside, and that changes so often anyway. Congrats on driving school! Oh! I wanted to give you my email because, well, why not? :) aSinforEve@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteYeah it's weird how we can't help putting ourselves in situations where we are so likely to get hurt at the end.. Thanks! It was a long road, pun intended haha. Hey that's awesome, I meant to ask you for it anyway :)
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