Now I can honestly say that my whole life revolves around food. This whole thing is ruining everything for me :( I can't wait for the time when I'm living somewhere else and have no money for my bulimic asshole personality.. I'm still at 48Kgs but I seem to get fatter every time I look in the mirror? I hate life. At least now I'm through with most of my shcoolwork for this week. 3 speeches, 2 vocab quizes + all the stuff I can't remember and I still have a P.E test tomorrow testing my stamina while running. I feel like I could just faint right now but I went out for a smoke and haha I feel light headed =) Today I purged two times already and mom's gonna be home any minute now to cook me dinner. She's worried about me now and asking about my weight and I have given her absolutely no reason axcept for being tired but that's totally understandable, right? She wants to take me to a doctor to take a blood sample and shit like that, well I'm not going. I just wanna end this. Fly for a little while before crashing down.. Hearing from everybody how they've found a new guy or about their boyfriends they've been with for years makes me feel even more like a failure. I'm not good enough a woman to attract a man. Wondering how grossed out my dance partner probably is for having to touch my body and be so close to me. I just feel like I'm doing this all for nothing. No one even notices if I lose weight because I don't wear skin tight clothes and maybe because I haven't really lost that much weight. In conclusion, my life ain't worth shit. I'm off to EAT....
With love,
S
your contadicting yourself so much which is why i think ur so so ill atm and i want u to take up ur mums offer of the drs they can help you break the cycle you are in
ReplyDeleteyo are not fast at 48kgs! ur so thin and everything is guna come to a head sooner or later you are gunna be so ill coz ur purging/smoking/drugs/over excersing and self hating
please hold on Eds can be broken i promise
xx
Idk in a way I'd like to try to change things but at the same time I feel kinda safe like this and nobody is really that worried about me. I'm just scared that if people knew how I really was it would screw up my future.. :/ How are you doing honey? For some reason I don't get your posts on my feed on blogger :( xx
Delete