I've taken the darker way

Sweet lips, intoxicating
Sultry eyes that stare, waiting
To lure the hungry heart
Into a deadly trap

Innocent and pure, it seems
On both of us the shadow feeds
Perverted are its needs
But it seems we have no choice

Sweet eyes, so warm
So pure, the love they offer
Still free of all the filth
That turns hearts into debris
If love must fail
Then lust sure will prevail
And when both fall
Hate will conquer all

If I can't give, I'll take
Accept this fate, be fueled by my hate
At least I know
It's always there for me
I fear no death
No foe can ever match me
Yet you could break me leaving only confusion

Sweet eyes, once pure
Just like the love they offered
Now stay devoted to the path of seduction

Made up your mind
Held back the warmth in your eyes
Are you prepared?
This road might be your destruction

My flesh, my heart
My soul adorned by a scar
They're still all mine until my dying day

I've crossed the line
It is too late for me now
You did me in, I've taken the darker way

I'm so tired and yesterday was terrible.. I ate and purged like idk how many times..

My stomach is raw and it hurts, but afterall it was worth it. Now I weigh 50,5 =)

I'm thinking how great it would be to fall into a coma and maybe wake up later and remember nothing about my past life. Start over, cause I think now I'm cursed to think about my eating the rest of my life. Hating myself. I'm settled on my deadline of 25 years of this life. That means I've got 8 years left.. I want to be free. Maybe I'll be free in death.

This one guy I barely know decided he wants to help me cause he knows I'm troubled. I don't like the idea. He says he just wants to find some humanity in me, but he's doing the exact opposite I think. I'm frustrated and anxious about him trying to help me and I have absolutely no idea why he'd want to do that anyway. It's hard for me to imagine that anyone would like me, but if he does, he's gonna be really disappointed when he realises I'm playing with him like I always do. Don't think I haven't warned him though.. I'm a total monster. My heart can't be broken into any smaller pieces so I torture other people. Really I just want to stay away from all of them, but if they try to get close.... Well then they basically ask for it, to be hurt and pushed away. I love playing mind games. To be honest, the boy doesn't stand a chance. I don't trust anyone anymore and that's what keeps me alive at the end of the day, because it would kill me to get hurt again like how I've gotten hurt before.

I shouldn't be alive. If there's a god, please just take me away..

 

 

 

Who am I now?

 

S