I'm starting to think this condition that I'm in might actually have a lot to offer. I simply don't have the ability to go back to my old, self-destructive habits. Tonight was maybe the first night I've ever gone to a club totally sober, had a good night all the way. Spent time with some completely random people which was nice and although there were more than a few attempts from different guys to get close to me, it just wasn't a possibility in my mind that anything would happen. I love dancing, so there I was on the podium most of the night just enjoying the atmosphere and spending some time with a friend. I'm now taking this time to create something new in myself and those guys at clubs have nothing to offer me. If anything, my relationship taught me my worth and I can't see myself going back to that meaningless bullshit now. I've grown. If I'd been drinking I could see how I really would have wanted to text him and I'd get all those mixed feelings coming back to the surface. Just walking the distance from where the cab dropped me off to home, I missed him. That feeling comes from somewhere much deeper than a drunken state, somewhere no one else has ever reached before. That's why I can just appreciate it in a way, and leave it alone. Good memories.
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