Fear her when she looks into the fire and smiles.

It makes me sad how stupid I was to trust my ex boyfriend with this blog as I've now lost this one safe haven and outlet that was separate from the world where in every moment I present myself with my known identity. 
Overall I'm doing alright, despite of some some of that familiar paranoia about gaining weight. I haven't thrown up since the 28th of last month, it's almost been a month now and I don't plan on going back to that habit. I simply couldn't imagine that being my life anymore. I guess I was always waiting for that wake up call that I can't keep going on like this and now that I got diagnosed with this condition, I've had it. Weirdly in a balance with all the bad, I'm more positive about my life than I probably ever was before.
In terms of the break-up, it became a lot messier that it had to but I guess that's really just descriptive of the relationship. Some days are better than others. I sleep a lot but the tiredness rarely goes away. 
For a while now I've kept having quite awful nightmares and waking up with scratch marks on my body. Even if I wake up and fall back to sleep, I can't escape the dream.
If you need me I'll be somewhere between thought, sleep, and always on the path of finding home. 



S