Give me ctrl

How far have I gone? I'm gone. What defines me nowadays is the mess I'm in, the mess I AM. But we all have our differences. Too bad I'm really the only ne to blame for this.. I wanna say that X ruined me but I probably made most of the bad stuff even worse revolving it around in my little mind. By the way I hear that he's told pretty much everyone in this little town that we had sex. For fuck's sake I thought that he was embarassed about that and we agreed we wouldn't tell anyone. I've seen him a couple of times since holidays began and we haven't said a word to each other but at the moment I think I'm as over him as I can ever be living here so close to him. I just have to make it through one more year of school and pass all of my exams and I'll be free. I just got the bill for fall's exams 

and I'm nervous allready. 

Anyway, I gotta tell you about friday cause it's the most drama I've witnessed in a long while. I was at a friend's house to celebrate my friend's birthday and when I got there at about seven o'clock, he was already shit-faced :D Well most of us moved on to another party not far from there and left him to sober up a bit. There was quite a lot of people but at about midnight, a guy that I don't especially like pretty much ran inside and gave me my ipod cause I'd forgotten it at the earlier place. Then he ran out. There was a lot of talk and everyone went outside, that's when we saw his car in the yard of the opposite house and the fence was completely broken. The car was in an awfully bad shape as well.  Apparently he'd been drunk and drifted around until the car went off the road and there were two passengers too. They turned the car around cause it'd gone roof down. Then the driver fled and we had to witness to the police.. thank god I didn't have to stay and we changed location once again. I'm just glad that no one got hurt cause I know for a fact that my friend who was also in the car had no idea that the drives was drunk. The other guy was way too drunk to notice 

and he wouldn't stop picking a fight so he left in the police car. 

Thankfully the guys who I rode with were sober and wise too. 

About my ED, I've staid between 46 and 48 and I'm happy with it. I still purge a couple of times a day. My mood has lifted a bit so that's god and I've had the energy to study too. My eating hasn't gone really bad but it could go better. I could always do everything better but that's just me, a perfectionist. Probably the worst part of me that never allows me to be completely happy or satisfied about anything. I'll manage. I just wish it wasn't like that, but you don't always get what you wish for, do you? 

We'll see about that

 

 

 

 

And obviously I'm losing

 

With all my love,

S