PT

 If some of you are on PT just add me if you like :) I was never able to log in and I had to create a new account :/ Sooo it's -Ed eviL- same as before, love you guys<3

Bad mind

I don't know how long I'll be able to take this

I'm so lost..

S

Fragile bird

DON'T EAT DON'T EAT DON'T YOU FUCKING EAT! How can it be this difficult? I need to be thin. There's simply nothing else to fight for anymore.. I feel so lazy :( I don't have friends. This saturday I'm going to a party at a rented cabin in the coutryside and it's gonna be a good place to get totally fucked up and just disappear into the crowd. X may be there I'm not sure how to feel about that but on the other hand he may not come so I shouldn't think about the whole this beforehand.
It's just that what if he won't even come near me, or will we do something stupid again. In that case I should probably say no but I kinda want that and I miss that asshole.. :( Why do I keep doing this to myself? I'm a sick messed up girl why would anyone ever care about me. And wow there are already 10 ppl following, love you<3(: Just wondering why you'd care either.

      S

You keep talking 'bout day old hate

Went for a run. After that I felt like collapsing in the shower and I couldn't really breathe.. I had a stinging pain in my stomach in a weird way? Not like usually on the other side. On friday we had some ppl over but other than that I spent the whole weekend alone. 

I'm not sure I'm even alive.

X once said that what if he's just imagining me, that I wouldn't really exist.. What if.. I'm just an insignificant filling to other peoples lives?

I'm scared of eating and I hate that I don't even look like there's something wrong with me. So no one should care it's okay. I'm not worth being loved or cared about I'm just a waste of everyones time. I don't know how to get this shit off my chest when writing about it feels so involuntary atm.. I don't belong here

S

Cause you can't go back now

I feel so out of place.. Like I'm floating somewhere in the middle of people but can't blend in? I get so anxious surrounded by all these beautiful skinny girls and to guys I seem to be pretty much invisible. Nothing feels real anymore I just do stuff I'm obligaded to do, living by my routines that are literally keeping me alive. 

I can't sleep..

I hate how I get these flashbacks of X and everything that happened with him. I want it all to go away. I want to start over and never even know him. Sad thing is that you don't really get what you want wery often do you.

What did they aim for when they missed your heart?
I breathe underwater, it's all in my hands
What can I do, don't let it fall apart

Love you all, you're amazing<3

 S

 

Hope these won't cause any permanent trauma for anyone

S

Kiss me hard before you go

Oh god a guy just came up to me on facebook basically telling me he likes me and I turned him down.. :( I couldn't handle a relationship atm no way. He's a really nice guy, though not really my type, if I even have some sort of "type". I feel like shit I'm not good enough to turn anyone down. This is ridiculous, like I don't get why anyone would like me in the first place? There's nothing good about me.. I guess I'm just so good at pretending when there's other ppl around. So now that the second period at my school just started I have quite a lot on my plate and I might not be able to post as often as I have earlier. Anyway I'm still here for anyone who needs me and I need you guys too<3 TinyRose, Englishrose, love you both and everyone who has been commenting and supporting me. Seriously you guys have gotten me through many heartbreaking days=)

S

What's the matter with me?

I weigh 54Kgs... All I've worked for just went out the window. I'm so tired of my own shit I can't do anything right. I'm an ugly, fat loser. Who would ever love me when I can't even stand myself? That's right, no one. My mom just told me that all I do is eat and watch tv. This world would be so much better without me.. I wish I never existed.

I may be tired of everything, but all of you lovely people are an exception to that<3

S