In my head she's not that nice..

Love you for commenting every now and then =)

 

S

Who's in your head?

I need to lose weight, I need to get there. I want to be like those beautiful skinny girls in all those pictures. You all know what I mean.. It's just getting a little out of hand with me atm :/ I've stopped caring about anything else but this. After dinner I go purge even though my parents are upstairs and I could easily get caught. Losing weight is all I have to live for anymore. I've lost interest in other people or don't just know how to act around them.. I want to get in control! I want to be in that perfect weight so I can open my eyes and let some life back in if you know what I mean. But then again when I've been so deeply in this for so long, is it even possible for me to live again? to wake up from this continuous nightmare.. 

Love u

S

666

Just ordered a size 6 evening dress, wish I would've been smaller by now but what can you do :/ I will be smaller and the dress will have to be adjusted :)

How could I forget?

Just watched P.S I love you. Didn't cry though.. I will never be loved like that so.. what then? what am I here for? I don't really feel anything it's weird but I'm just thinking, doesn't everyone deserve to be loved? and isn't it better to be loved even just a little while than not being loved at all? BUT to reality. I ate tons of food today but I got to purge so it's not that bad after all. How can doing nothing, not eating, be so hard? How are you all doing btw you don't comment much anymore my lovelies?

S

BUT FINALLY I'M UNDERWEIGHT!

Should go for a 100km run..

 I cut again yesterday. It's an addiction I can't get rid of just like that. My only friend who knows about it asked me to stop and I didn't cut bad this time. I was thinking about her. School is killing me and I can barely smile anymore.. It's a friday and I have no plans. I'm isolated. Maybe if I pushed everyone away and didn't do anything I would just disappear? I'm tired of living and struggling with my english atm :( Nobody wants me.. And what is love good for after all? absolutely nothing. Humans are all that much fucked up. I've already eaten 2 pieces of bread?!( what the hell is it with me craving for bread) 1 cup of coffee, salad and a small smoothie in the morning. I can only eat sth like a bit of meat at dinner. And I have to drink a lot of water..  I'd lost a little weight but I seem to only get bigger :/

yours,

S

lazy piece of shit

I ran about 2km,

but why the fuck did I think I could afford to eat?

 A cup of coffee

quite a lot of salad

chicken

rice

a piece of bread

 when this is what I should be eating

I feel like i'm only writing to myself now..  :(

S