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Thursday, June 25, 2015
I also got a tattoo yesterday
I went out with my guy friends last night and one of the exchange students whom I know had a crush on me because he left a note and a rose at my door (which I thought was kinda sweet but creepy) I'm not one for romance. Anyway when we got to the bar he was really drunk already and it makes me feel really uncomfortable when men who are seriously drunk come on to me. I tried my best to avoid him but he wasn't having any of it and when I tried to sneak away to go home he followed me and he was grabbing on to me and wouldn't let go of me. I felt a panic attack coming when I couldn't escape him and only after a while other people showed up and got him off of me. The same thing has happened to me before so it was extremely oppressive. It's not surprising to me how women get raped in those kinds of circumstances because for a while there was absolutely no one around. I don't think it was going towards that though. When I got home he was st my door ringing the doorbell and it was so loud and I had to get some sleep I went to tell him to cut it out and he forced his way in. I couldn't push him out with all my strength so I had to get out myself and I really struggled to get back inside past him because the corridor is really narrow. I was out there yelling at him to go away and leave me alone and no one even opened their door to see what was going on. I was alone in that situation again. I was finally able to lock him out and after a while the doorbell rang again but I wasn't going to go open the door again. I got a text that it was his roommate who just wanted to check on me. I feel like I don't want to be single even though I'm not looking for a relationship, I haven't felt anything for anyone in a long time and I'm not interested in any of that I just want to have that barrier to keep everyone away.
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I don't know how they do things there but I would have called the police. That's a potential attempted rape and I'm not okay with it. I'm usually the optimist and so I think the best of people but I'm starting to see that there are very real, very terrifying people out there. I'm just glad you're okay hun. I also understand the feeling of wanting someone but yet not. I want someone nice that doesn't expect physical things from me because that's what most guys our age want. It's boring to me. You like my body? Thanks. That's nice. You're still an asshole. And then a nice guy comes along and there's a certain boringness to life that comes with comfort. It's shitty man. I love you dear and I know one of these you'll find what you need. Also, um tattoo pictures? :) I have five so I like seeing other people's.
ReplyDeleteThe thing is when he was in my apartment I went outside and my phone was in there with him. Yeah I know right? I mean I do enjoy the physical stuff but that's not supposed to be the whole point. I'll post a picture of it later or I'll send you one in an email :) Would be cool to see your tats too! And love you too, thank you for being there <3
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