I've written a hundred posts. I'm completely clueless and actually terrified what comes to my "future", if there in fact is anything at all. I'm so wrapped up in this sickening condition that I've lost most of the real me. Just being around people makes me really anxious and I don't let anyone get close to me. Nobody knows me. I want to feel safe with someone but I always get caught up at that point where I'd have to let them near me. Losing weight only gives me some kind of satisfaction and ease, but it doesn't really make me feel better. It doesn't make me feel good about the way I look. This is NOT beauty.
All the weight I lose feeds the monster within. I still have that survival instinct,
but I'm just really tired. Perfectionism is eating me alive.
Tomorrow I'm turning 18.
Can't believe I made it this far.
Yours,
S
I think that's the worst part of this disorder. You finally make it to the unsatisfactory bottom and find you're only a shell and nothing is beautiful anymore. I hope you have a great birthday dear. It's never too late to claw your way up because you are beautiful and because if you let someone in they would see it to. <3
ReplyDeleteI really wish it could be all rainbows and butterflies for a fucking change.. Thank you, stay strong<3
DeleteHAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Eve there is nothing beautiful about self destruction
love you xxx
Thank you<3
Deletelove u too xx