Let my fears take flight

 My body at the moment.. God I hate that my stomach now looks grossly protruding

Sorry for the phone quality

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You can bury my body in the back yard

This is not the perfect start for a recovery.. I'm at 45-46KGs and all bloated thanks to my period. I don't like the way my body looks in the mirror, and it sucks since I'd just learned to live with it. At 43KGs I didn't really feel fat or insecure anymore. I felt okay, and now.. Well let's just say I've already reached my absolute limit. For now I'll try to get comfortable with 45 but this is going to be such a struggle, so I'm going for a run.

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I don't think she's okay

Wow, 85 hits yesterday. Thanks guys I appreciate my readers(= I hope that my blog has made even just one person feel less alone with their problems, or at least made people feel less bad about their own issues.

Ugh, right now I'm in the middle of my final exams and I can't wait to be done with high school.. I'm well on my way with my entrance exam books already and I've sent my applications as well. Somehow the oncoming spring has made me feel like a different person in terms of hopefulness and being able to make plans for the future. Even if for just a few feeks ahead. Nevertheless I still feel like my thoughts are going backwards really slowly. I've managed to stay at 45KGs for about two weeks now and I'm pleased with that. I'm not as cold all the time and I feel more capable in general. That doesn't change the fact that I look fat. I'll just have to try to put up with it to see if I could adjust. Btw the thing with the army guy has kinda dried up now. Whatever, not like I was expecting him to be prince charming, but I did like talking to him. Everyone likes the attention every now and then, and since I'm incapable of establishing good relationships, I go for the short-time stuff. Even just for one night. Developing feelings is not a goal for me because getting close to someone to me feels like waiting for them to start treating me badly. I can't even imagine a scenario where I would be happy with someone for a long time. I'm still talking to that guy with a girlfriend.. Maybe that's why karma blew my chances with the army guy, hah. Whatever, right now I feel fine by myself.

 

 

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