Limbo

I am so torn down by all the different things. I don't want anyone close to me right now, however it's only because I'm afraid of getting attached or worse, dependent of them. Sucks to admit that I'm not just better on my own, I'm my own poison but how am I supposed to let anyone else close to that especially if I even slightly care about them. I can say that I mostly don't care about anyone though. My boyfriend asked me to try not to throw up my food today, I threw up three times which is worse than the average. I like to fail a little. I don't need goals I need to feel good inside and right now, or actually for a long time now my environment has had me feeling all tangled up and sick to my stomach. Oh I feel so sick. Sorry for not being a good person either, not that that helps or reaches anyone who needs to hear me apologize for it. I need to apologize for a lot of things and that's not what I want to live for so god help me if I'm not able to change my bullshit self.

S

Tired

I hate that depression is really grabbing a hold of me now, I have such good things to look forward to althoug I guess those good things are relative and still unknown too. Dysthymia, I have so many problems. Were some people created to be ticking time bombs? I am so tired, it's dark all the time. I feel like there's a string inside me going from my diaphragm to my head, weighing it down and squeezing my lungs at the same time.

S

The cracked up pretty thing

Anxiety. Recognizably different personalities mixed up like muddy water. Could everyone just leave me alone and stop mixing up my water, it's clouded enough already. I feel like a caged fucking animal. You'd think it would even be warmer than freezing in hell.

makin mommy proud

2 guys in one night, a new low?

S

Tripped me

So I fell right back into that vicious circle. This is like the fourth time that I know I'm going down fast. I feel all the symptoms coming back one by one; always cold, shaky hands, the corner of my mouth cracking open, constant headache, dark under eyes..
I'm just compromising with the devil to survive because I don't think I'm ready to give up even though I'm not really strong enough to fight either. 

S

Bombardment

You won't let your phone out of sight.
Firstly because you're expecting to hear from them.
Secondly because you're hoping to hear from them.
Then you get worried.
And more worried.
Nothing.

You're accepting it but you're not yet sure what you're accepting. Just not hearing from them, it's bad enough.

Coming Down

The shell that I wore, it wasn’t for fun.
It wasn’t to make you stick around.
It was for survival, it was what I’ve learnt,
It was for the sun.

You said you think I’d might be the one.
I'll pick blossoms and make you a crown.
You can’t catch what’s coming down.
Our love has grown; our love has flown.

I can catch the falling stars.
They make the darkness brighter
Even though they burn holes in my hands.
I can dive into the water, so deep, I can’t breathe;
'Cause, there, I feel things you won't understand.





Don't know if you guys are still there but I'm still here.

S