Limbo

I am so torn down by all the different things. I don't want anyone close to me right now, however it's only because I'm afraid of getting attached or worse, dependent of them. Sucks to admit that I'm not just better on my own, I'm my own poison but how am I supposed to let anyone else close to that especially if I even slightly care about them. I can say that I mostly don't care about anyone though. My boyfriend asked me to try not to throw up my food today, I threw up three times which is worse than the average. I like to fail a little. I don't need goals I need to feel good inside and right now, or actually for a long time now my environment has had me feeling all tangled up and sick to my stomach. Oh I feel so sick. Sorry for not being a good person either, not that that helps or reaches anyone who needs to hear me apologize for it. I need to apologize for a lot of things and that's not what I want to live for so god help me if I'm not able to change my bullshit self.

S

Tired

I hate that depression is really grabbing a hold of me now, I have such good things to look forward to althoug I guess those good things are relative and still unknown too. Dysthymia, I have so many problems. Were some people created to be ticking time bombs? I am so tired, it's dark all the time. I feel like there's a string inside me going from my diaphragm to my head, weighing it down and squeezing my lungs at the same time.

S